Sigh.
You know what I love about the New Year?
The fact that it's new. There is something refreshing about that
-- the endless possibilities perhaps.
You know what I hate about the New Year?
The prognostications. Why, at this time of the year, does the media
insist on inundating us with this trash? Don't they get it? I don't
want to hear about what will happen in the new year. It's the not-knowing,
that makes the future so full of potential.
Compared to the year's possibilities, these
psychic predictions are terribly boring. This, because the predictions
are so vague. Vagueness is required of course, because any specific
prediction could be verified as having occurred or not. By keeping
things vague, the prognosticator can claim success regardless of
what happens. The second reason these predictions are boring is
because -- wait for it, big surprise coming -- the future cannot
be foretold. Most grown-up's know and accept this. Not all grown-ups
mind you. Some people believe, for example, the shapes formed by
tea leaves in the bottom of your cup foretell your future.
Stupid is as stupid does
Still others believe in the tooth fairy,
or would believe, if you simply showed them the coin left under
the pillow. Such is the reasoning power and credulity demonstrated
by Barbara Balfour in her article "Psychic Revelations"
(Calgary Herald, January 7, 2005).
More than a listing of the latest prognostications
from some selected psychics, most of the the article is a description
of reporter Belfour's efforts to 'check out a few psychics herself'.
I love it when reporters do this. It's so pretentious, as if being
a reporter, gives her some special power and insight to see through
trickery and fakery.
The article starts out by telling us that
things have changed "starting with societal attitudes that
have brought our fascination with the paranormal out of the basement
and into the mainstream". As evidence of this, Barbara
tells us that Chinook Learning Services (formally Chinook College)
is teaching courses in "palmistry, tarot card reading or
finding your guardian angel". Donna Crowe, a program designer
at Chinook Learning Services (CLS) is quoted as saying, "The
best way to educate yourself is to have an open mind."
Yes Donna, but not so open your brains fall out.
Donna Crowe continues, "There is
a great interest in these things -- it's not unlike alternative
health." Well, she is right about that, it is exactly
like alternative health, and of course, that's the problem. CLS
teaches these courses not because there is any truth to what they
teach, nor because they actually know how find your guardian angel.
They teach these courses because there are enough gullible people
around willing to pay for them. In short, CLS believes that 'there
is a sucker born every minute' and has developed a curriculum
to take advantage of this -- education as a circus act.
Barbara's Quest
Having set the stage discussing the emergence
of the paranormal into the mainstream, Barbara turns her attention
to describing her experience in checking out the psychics. It starts
with Linda Perry, "a Calgary based palm reader". Barbara's
intensive investigative method involves sitting down at Linda Perry's
kitchen table and having her palm read. That's it. No testing, no
investigation of any sort. Just sit and have your palm read. Fortunately,
this was sufficient to have Barbara reach conclusions concerning
the accuracy of the reading. According to Barbara the reading was
extremely accurate, "She was dead on in her descriptions
of my hobbies, family, travel plans and relationships and doled
out helpful advice on how to deal with conflicts".
Is this evidence that palm reading is accurate,
or that Barbara Balfour is one of the most gullible reporters on
the planet? It could go either way but I'll put my money on option
two.
Having now clearly demonstrated that with
this article she intends to employ all the investigative and critical
thinking skills of floor tile, Barbara next turns her attention
to tea leaf reading with "mind reader and psychic entertainer
Paul Alberstat". Now this is getting interesting. If I
were a reporter, there would be lots of questions I would like to
ask Paul. Like, why did you learn to read tea leaves and minds, aren't minds more interesting? It seems to me if you can
read minds, tea leaves would have to be pretty boring conversationalists
in comparison, are they? What is a psychic entertainer, a psychic
who entertains or an entertainer to psychics? When you entertain
psychics, do they know the punch lines before you finish the joke
and if they do, do they laugh? If they laugh, why? Are they just
being polite, or is it all in the timing?
No such questions are forthcoming. Instead,
Barbara continues to employ her intensive investigative method of
sitting down. She gulps down her tea, rotates the tea cup clockwise
three times with her left hand, and then lets Paul tell what is
forthcoming for her over the next twelve months by examining the
patterns of leaves in the bottom of the cup. Now, for all our readers
out there (just regular readers of words, not mind or tea leaf readers),
a word of warning. Don't ever, ever try doing this at home. Kids,
don't even think about it. This is obviously a job for trained professionals.
There is a story, shared by professional prognosticators, about
some amateur that tried to tell his own future. Everything was going
fine until the moment when he twirled his tea cup three times --
counterclockwise, and with his right hand! No one ever heard from
him again. You just don't want to mess with the universe like that.
Speaking of which, do they turn it clockwise or counterclockwise
in Australia? There is another question for my list.
Next, Barbara moves on to Kim Dennis, also
known as "Clairvoyant Kim", and is obviously
saving the best for last. As Barbara states in her article: "...
if you're looking for an experience that will make you question
your beliefs and leave the little hairs at the back of your neck
standing up for days on end, Kim Dennis is your gal."
In this case, Barbara doesn't even have time
to sit down before Kim is demonstrating her amazing powers. "Within
minutes of my walking into her northwest home, before I have a chance
to sit down or she has any opportunity to search for body cues that
might give away hints, she tells me the names and identities of
my deceased relatives." And later in the article, "Not
20 minutes have passed before Dennis tells me the accurate ages
and medical conditions of my parents, my complete ethnic and family
background, the exact details of my friendships and personal relationships,
the locations of the travels I have been on and the travels I have
planned. I left home without it having quite sunk in, but later
that night as my inner skeptic analyzed it, I was absolutely floored." Well, finally Barbara finds a position other than sitting to
conduct her research.
How does one refute this? I wasn't there,
maybe everything happened just as Barbara reported it. But as I
am reading the article, I come across an interesting note. Clairvoyant
Kim is described as a "famous local spirit medium who has
her own television and radio show". The television show
is 'Antiques Psychic'.
Hey, I've seen that show! I was channel surfing
one night and came across it. I watched for about ten minutes. Basically
Antiques Psychic is a reworking of those television shows where
people bring around some relic that has been hiding in the cellar
for years to have it appraised. In this case, however, Clairvoyant
Kim, using her psychic abilities, tells the owner about the history
of the object, previous owners, strange events associated with it,
that sort of thing.
The show is hilarious. If Clairvoyant Kim
has all the abilities Barbara Balfour attributes to her, then she
must lose them when she enters the television studio. Maybe it's
the interference from the electronic equipment, I don't know about
these things. What I do know, is that Kim was unable to get anything
right with the two people I saw her deal with on the show. She was
clearly using the techniques of cold reading to try and elicit information
from guests and doing quite badly at it. I challenge other skeptics
(or anyone else for that matter) in the Calgary area to watch the
show and tell me if this isn't the worst portrayal of a psychic
you have ever seen. It was embarrassing. If this is the best Calgary
can do on the psychic front, then we desperately need some help
here. Maybe some input of psychic energy or something.
The article says that Antiques Psychic is
looking for people to come on the show. Maybe there is a dumb-person
shortage in Calgary too.
So What is Going to Happen?
Okay, okay, you are bored with my assessment
of the Barbara Balfour's investigative abilities. What you want
to know is, what are the predictions?
Here are a couple of the predictions from
Paul Alberstat, the tea leaf/mind reader reader and psychic entertainer.
"There will be a paralyzing snow
storm in Calgary in April." (I have lived in Calgary for
20 years now, would someone tell me when have we haven't had a large
snow storm in (or very near to) April?
"The Pope will die in 2005"
( I saw him on TV the other night myself. I think this is an easy
prediction but hey, the psychics all said he would die in 2004 and
so far, the Pope has refused to do so. Good for him I say.)
Clairvoyant Kim also had a few prognostications.
Here they are in their entirety as reported in the Calgary Herald:
"This is the Pope's last year:"
(Boy, this must be the psychics easy target of the year. Notice
that Kim is more vague than Paul as Kim would be right if the Pope
died in 2005 or 2006. If the Pope died in 2006, Kim could claim
that 2005 was the Pope's last full year.)
"The outpouring from all countries
for tsunami aid relief will rebuild things much more quickly than
was originally anticipated." (I am completely disgusted
by this prediction for reasons I have dealt with before [see ASkepticRTN
News, Tsunami
disaster in Asia (December 30, 2004) but here they are again. Hey Kim, if you can foresee how the aid
relief will go, why in the hell didn't you foresee the tsunami disaster
itself and warn people? You could have used your Antiques Psychic
program or your monthly appearance on Channel 8's Big Breakfast
show to make the announcement. Why would you let over 150,000 people
die if you really have the power to foretell the future? Wasn't
the largest natural disaster in history a big enough 'psychic' event
for you to foresee? I promise, if you e-mail me your explanation,
I will post it on this site, unedited.)
"After one year, the mad cow situation
will have been resolved between Alberta and the U.S. as well as
with Japan." (Never mind the future, Kim can't even get
the present right. Technically, there is no mad cow situation between Alberta and anyone else as the problem exists between nations,
that is between Canada and the U.S. and between Canada and Japan.
Alberta, as a province of Canada, essentially has no status in the
dispute. Outside of this, the United States had already announced
that the ban would be removed this year so this prediction isn't
much of a stretch on the old psychic abilities.)
"The White House will be a target
for something -- attack is a strong word, but there is a cause for
caution while Bush is President." Wow! It won't be an
attack, but it will be -- 'something'.
Maybe another Michael Moore movie. I think we can definitely place
this one in the vague category.
Now a word from those that know how to investigate.
One of our favorite sites is www.randi.org, operated by James Randi, magician, paranormal debunker and general
clear headed thinker. His organization, The James Randi Educational
Foundation, sponsors the One Million Dollar Paranormal Challenge.
Full details are available at Randi's web site, but basically it
comes down to this. Randi has a million dollars in negotiable bonds
held in an investment account which he will award "to anyone
who can show, under proper observing conditions, evidence of any
paranormal, supernatural, or occult power or event." Sounds
pretty straight forward to me. I wonder why Barbara Balfour didn't
mention that in her investigations?
Meanwhile, over at the Committee for the
Scientific Investigation of Claims for the Paranormal (CSICOP),
Mr. Gene Emery has an article reviewing the psychic predictions
made for 2004, and how they fared (here's a hint, not well). Check
it out at http://www.csicop.org/specialarticles/predictions-2004.html I wonder why Barbara Balfour didn't mention this either?
I couldn't let this go with out making a
prediction or two myself. Here is a Psychic Revelation -- psychics
are frauds, no one can foretell the future and most of us like it
that way. There is no paranormal, no one has paranormal abilities
and there is not much of a future in tea leaf/mind reading or in
connecting psychically with grandma's old chair.
Not much of a revelation to most of us but
it just may leave Barbara Balfour 'absolutely floored'. |
